The state college I attended had thousands of students from all over the county. Each class consisted of about 25-30 students. The subjects I sat had no more than five girls. Although this is a shocking gender imbalance, it did not put me off the subjects and I excelled in my results: achieving A’s chemistry and physics, and B’s in maths and further maths (AS). I remember most of the girls being on top of the class, possibly due to the feeling you had to work harder to gain your place.
I was accepted on an engineering course at university and moved in a few weeks after A-Level results. All the different engineering disciplines learnt the same modules in our first year, which resulted in around 200 freshers in one lecture theatre. Although this was daunting for everyone, the fact that only an eighth of the students were female meant you were a rare sight to see. In our first group project I was lucky to be part of a team with two girls (and six boys), as many of the groups had less.
To make up for the fact that there were fewer girls, throughout my years studying engineering there were several events, competitions and talks that focused on women in the STEM industry. I learnt a lot from these talks and felt very lucky to be able to attend, yet this is when my male friends started to argue that I was getting more attention and opportunity than them. I found this difficult to dispute, and to try and reduce my guilt I always shared my notes from the events with them.
It was in one of these talks, however, that I learnt why it is so important to give young female engineers additional encouragement and training: less than 10% of the working population is made up of females. In that moment, started to understand the scale of the problem. Being so outnumbered in the workplace can really impact your confidence, and in another talk, one of the senior engineers spoke about imposters syndrome. She is an incredibly successful professional, yet she still feels these negative thoughts creep into her head, where she feels she does not belong. Little tips were given to the audience to counter negative thoughts. For example, if you are nervous about giving a presentation you can modify your body language to exude confidence. Or, if you are in an important meeting you can plant your feet firmly on the floor and assume a power stance position – channelling your inner strength and energy.
Meetings can be particularly stressful due to the confined space and the power dynamic between the attendees and the speaker. It is not uncommon to be the only female in the room. This can have advantages due to the fact you stand out and can be more memorable, yet sometimes people can assume you are only in there to take drink orders. Fortunately, I have not had one of these uncomfortable experiences myself (although I have only had less than one year of engineering experience so far).
When trying to decide which engineering discipline to study, I gained some valuable work experience in one of the tube stations in London. I was able to go into the tunnels and see the
incredible applications of engineering work in real life, for example the aftermath of the tunnel boring machines. It was fascinating and I tried to soak up as much information about the project, and general life in engineering, as I could. I spoke to many inspiring people, including the project manager, who was an American female engineer, her passion shone through and I knew that civil engineering was the path for me.
In just the short time I spent on the project I made as many connections as possible, taking business cards and email addresses. I channelled the enthusiasm of the project manager and did everything possible to stand out. Through connections I was able to secure a summer internship, with an engineering firm that was involved in the project (an international firm with an excellent reputation).
This internship turned into a second one, the summer after, and by the time I graduated I had a job guaranteed as a Graduate Engineer.
Although I had an excellent university experience, and successful work placements in between, I always struggled to feel worthy. It never bothered me that I was surrounded by boys, but I always felt they were better than me and I was a fraud. I worked extremely hard to gain my place on the internship but parts of me think I had it easy and only got them because senior staff liked me, not because of my capabilities. In every year at university I achieved a first, yet every year I think they’ve confused my results with someone else’s. In both dissertations I achieved a first, yet both years I believe my supervisors “did it to be nice”. It’s hard to know if my success is due to my strong relationships with well-established engineers and professionals, or if my success is wholly down to the fact that I’m a female, or if I’m just being paranoid. Possibly a combination of all three. Whatever the reason, it’s not going to do any good worrying about it.
I find it useful to remember that even the most professional and experienced women can find themselves feeling out of place in such a male dominated industry, but also that the industry is definitely changing for the better – and in the meantime it’s important to stay strong, and do what you can to calm yourself down, rid your mind of negative thoughts and remember that you are enough. You are brilliant.