Guardian Homepage: https://www.theguardian.com/
A Guardian guest story written by Michael Segalov, from the story of Jack, 48, media technician, southeast England.
I’ve been married 25 years and have had a relationship with another woman for seven. It’s not something I’m proud of, all the deceit and concealment. But you can’t help who you fall in love with. I’ve never wanted to rip apart my family, because there are children involved. To stay or to go, which is kinder? It’s a dilemma that’s more common than you’d think.
We both have spouses, but before the lockdown we’d carve out time to speak to and see each other at lunchtimes, in the evenings, whenever. We’ve gone from constant communication and contact to struggling to find enough privacy to send a quick text.
We’ve seen each other once since this began, albeit very briefly. She doesn’t live close by, so it took a fair bit of lying. We found a country park and went for a walk, but we couldn’t be long. Disappearing off into different directions for who knows how long has been heartbreaking. We haven’t made a plan to meet again yet, but we will. I know there’s a lockdown, but being in this type of relationship makes you incredibly resourceful.
I manage not to dwell too much on what I’m doing when life is busy. We’ve got our routine, which means we can overlook things which cause discomfort. But now we’re all slowing down, you can’t help but think a little more. I’m realising I’m making myself miserable by not being with the person I love, to protect my family. But being stuck in the house, it’s clear my unhappiness is affecting my wife and the children. I’ve been too much of a coward.
We discussed leaving our partners at great length a few years ago, but there was always another set of exams, another big date in the diary. Now we’re all staring at our own mortality, and it’s the oldest adage in the book: life is too short. If we get through this, I think we’ll have to make a go of it. If this lockdown lasts a few more weeks I’m sure we can wait, but if it’s six months? I’m not sure I can handle it.
This story is from a series by Michael Segalov, called Love in the time of corona: ‘This wasn’t how I planned it, but she said yes’, written for the Guardian Newspaper, 12th April 2020.
“Imagine being separated from the one you love. Or stuck with the one you don’t, or being alone? Stories of the heart from behind quarantined walls”
Original Guardian article URL: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/apr/12/love-in-the-time-of-corona-stories-of-the-heart-told-from-behind-quarantined-walls
Guardian Homepage: https://www.theguardian.com/