We chewed pancakes and sipped our juice, lost in our private thoughts.
“Coffee?” I interrupted her stare into space.
“Oh, I would love some, thanks.”
As we sat on the couch together to enjoy our coffee, I asked, “And you Marge, do you have any of these dreaded moments that you’ve hidden far away in your past, and would like to share?”
“Oh yes, I have quite a few of those horrible moments, thankfully deeply buried. And you?”
“Oh yes. Me too. Okay, I’ll tell you mine, if you tell me yours.”
“Okay, you go first.”
“I have never told anyone this humiliating story. So don’t you ever blab. It’s a secret. I’ve never told anyone because, well, it’s really awkward and very embarrassing.”
As we sat hugging our coffee mugs, Marge urged me.
I just stared for a few minutes, remembering, as I stirred my coffee, watching the cream swirling around, turning my black coffee to light brown. Then, I took a deep breath, and started my story.
“I am going to start my story by introducing you to a crab I met.”
“A relationship with a crab, I’m embarrassed for you already,” Marge said, as she fluffed her pillow and made herself more comfortable.
“Don’t judge till you hear the whole story,” I snapped.
“Okay, okay, I will sit still and be quiet.”
“Sounds crazy, I know, but this crab showed up, and we just hit it off. I’ll try to explain. I felt like he was someone I could talk to.
“My boss had just sexually assaulted me. And I ran.
“When I finally got to my favorite bluff, you remember the one, I released a sound I’ve never heard before. It burst from the anger I was holding in my gut. A scream, a howl and a growl, that held a long forever feeling. I did it again, only this time, I listened to my frantic sound. I was scared. I heard my own pain pounding in my ears and felt my heart aching hard, as I stood almost falling, losing my balance from the force.
“Next, I found myself collapsed on the sand beside a familiar tide pool. The breeze was sharp, a brisk biting wind of icy November cold. The sun was bright, creating sparkles on the face of the ocean. The sparkles were dancing with what looked like bursts of happiness, gifting me a few minutes of relief. Then a big pink and brown crab showed up, and just jumped out from the rocks, confrontational style… me, looking at him, while he, looking sideways at me, with his eyes poking out of the top of his head.
’Hello Crab.’ Saying nothing, the crab just moved slightly to the left.
’How are you?’ I asked, really wanting to know. ‘What’s it like being a crab?’ No response this time.
‘I hope you don’t mind,’ I announced. ’I am going to name you Willis. Do you like the name Willis? I once had a pet frog named Willis. He was a good friend of mine when I was seven years old.’ The crab moved again, tip toeing with all his little legs, slightly sideways and to the right this time.
’You probably want to know what I am. Human. Yes, I am one of those Humans. The ones that leave trash all over your home land and pollute your beautiful watery world, and yes, we are the ones that eat you too. I don’t. Honestly, I don’t eat your kind. As soon as I learned that some vendors cut off crabs’ faces before displaying them for sale, I just couldn’t eat another one. A vendor once told me that people don’t like to eat something that watches them walk by. Cringing, I was never the same. Although, I did taste crab legs years ago,’ smiling at the crab as I said, ’they were quite tasty as I remember.’
The crab responded with a move backwards.
’I’m sorry, you probably don’t think that is very amusing.’
We sat together, listening to the waves, enjoying no further conversation for a while.
’I suppose you want to know what it’s like being a Human,’ I asked. ’And perhaps you may want to know why I’m just sitting here, staring off into space like a bump, with my face all puffy red and my eyes swollen, and making all kinds of terrible noises. I don’t always look like this. And I don’t always scream stuff. Actually, sometimes I sing to the ocean.
’Well then, let me explain to you what a day being Human is like. Not all days are like this one, but here is what happened to me in my today.
‘I am a dental assistant. Well, at least I was. I help the dentist as he works on people’s teeth.’ I opened my mouth and showed Willis. ’These are human choppers.
’You see, I just started this new job two weeks ago. Before, I worked with a surgeon. I assisted in surgery twice a day. It was really interesting, but I didn’t like the doctor. He was famous. Film crews came in once in a while and filmed his surgery. He was cold, never smiled, and spoke to me only when giving orders, treating me like I was one of his tools. When I asked for a raise, he actually said, “Why would I give you a raise, when I can hire another stupid dental assistant and train her at minimum wage?”
’Do you believe he actually said that to me? What a jerk!
‘At first, I did miss the long drive to work, lots of rolling hills and forests of different trees along the highway. I have a three-year-old daughter, though, so now my ten-minute drive means I can spend more time with her. Anyway. The new job was going fine. Nice doctor, beautiful modern office, and I was very pleased with myself, convinced the decision was a good one.’
Then, I started to cry again, and had to wipe my nose on the hem of my uniform.
I went on to say, ’This morning a patient cancelled just before lunch. The dentist asked me to come into his office. I did so, thinking he had something for me to do. He asked me, if I wouldn’t mind, if I would sit with him, so he could pet my breasts. He said it relaxed him. Stunned, I was horrified, and couldn’t find words. All of a sudden, he grabbed me from behind, holding my breasts. I turned around to get away, and kneed him as hard as I could. Then, he body-slammed me against the wall so hard, all I heard was a loud buzzing in my ears. Taking a deep breath, I ran out as fast as I could, grabbing my purse, glad it was hanging on the back door. When I got to my car, my hands were shaking so hard, and I fumbled with the keys for what seemed like forever. Then I drove and drove, my heart pounding, and the intense buzzing stayed in my ears.’ I started to cry again.
‘This is my favorite spot.’ I told Willis, ’I come here often, and today I need comfort and solitude. This little cove has a long history of listening to my complaints and sharing its beauty, always comforting me.
‘So, Willis, that’s why I was breathing so hard, and crying when I got here. Do crabs cry? Probably not.’ I reached in my pocket, finding a package of Saltine crackers. I unwrapped them and gave one to the crab. ’Here, I hope you like crackers.
’So now what?’ I asked the crab, as I watched Willis tasting the cracker.
’That guy STOLE a lot from me today. Just in those few scary minutes, he ripped away my world, and it vanished, crushing me. Now, I feel lost, afraid again.’
More tears, moaning, more holding myself curled up in a ball on my car blanket. My heart was in trouble again and I felt sick. I told Willis about the pain of betrayal taking up every space in my body, as my thoughts went to what my parents were going to say.
‘And my other relatives, (don’t take this personally), They are going to start crabbing at me again reminding me of all the bad choices I’ve made. And my sisters, their snickers and mocking me, while I try and fix this. And then there is Bill, my X. I can hear him now, repeating the same thing over and over, blah, blah, blah.
‘That Creep! I hate looking for a job, it could take me months.’
The moaning finally faded, leaving me exhausted. ‘I need to go home now,’ I explained to Willis. The afternoon was turning into dusk and I had to go, and I didn’t even have the energy to move.
’Crab, where are you?’ Searching, ’Are you leaving me too? Oh, there you are, sharing cracker crumbs with your friends. Good, I like that.’
As I turned to right myself, I saw a shadow. There was a person sitting next to me, behind the sand dune. Were they there all this time, listening to me pour out my demoralizing story to a crab? The person saw me, startled, ran down the path to the highway with a hoody pulled over their head. I couldn’t tell if it was a man or a woman. I didn’t care. I felt this horrible feeling. ‘I am such a fool! My privacy, another betrayal! Oh God!’
I screamed at the wind, and cried again and again, till there was no more left to purge. Then I stood in the brisk wind with my arms held out, pretending the salt air would blow away everything that happened today.
The room got quiet. I noticed Marge’s sad eyes looking at me, whispering, “God! You never told me that happened to you.”
“No, I’ve never told anyone. Now looking back, I understand why I felt shame. It’s expected that if something bad happens to a young girl, she is responsible. So, I asked myself thousands of times over the years, ‘what did I do to make that happen?’
“After the experience, I made up stories to everyone, about why I had to find a new job. I could hear them say, ’You were so excited about getting the last one.’ I had to lie because I was too ashamed to explain the truth.”
“Did you tell the police?”
“Oh yes, I filled out a report. When I followed up a few weeks later, the officer told me they had him in for questioning. He denied everything. He was given a warning.”
“What! Marge blurted out, “That’s it?”
“Yes, they gave him a warning, end of story. Interesting though, for me, that afternoon will never be the end of the story. Phew! Past life, past drama, best forgotten, don’t you think? That never happens.
“More than a few young women working for me shared similar stories. Most were worse than mine, and ended badly. Some with boyfriends, some with family members, and bosses, some with just young men they knew. These young women had no one to talk to. Keeping secrets is so cruel to one’s self, the wounds seldom heal. I was there for them, and I was pleased that I could be. And me, … I was lucky, I met a crab named Willis.”
I held out my coffee pot for Marge, “Would you like more coffee? It’s your turn.”