I would like to share my life experience as someone who is British, was born in England but comes from an Indian background.
Up until high school, I don’t really remember the colour of my skin crossing my mind much. I grew up in Leicester which is extremely culturally diverse, perhaps this is why. Nowadays when I talk about my racial background the most common response is disbelief that both of my parents are Indian (my step dad is white) as most people assume me to only be half. “You are the least Indian person I have ever met!” Is a popular line.
I don’t really get offended by much. I hate injustice and I want to contribute to making the world a happier and more accepting place for people to live in. But I know there are many people who aren’t as self assured as me, which is why I feel it’s important to share my perspective.
Despite my high school being in Leamington; therefore, still in the culturally diverse Midlands – I spent basically all those school years wishing I was white. Kids can say stupid things and there was a lot of name calling based on being Indian, the classic childish remarks associated with curry or mockery accents. However, the common misconception of racism is that people seem to think it’s all name calling – I promise you, you couldn’t be more wrong. No name calling will ever hurt me. I find it stupid. Everyone can be called a name and it’s literally just a word, that’s how my mind works. Although, I respect not everyone feels the same.
Racism for me, is a feeling, an uncomfortable atmosphere. It’s something that makes you feel like you are undeserving of being where you are. And this feeling is distributed by saying absolutely nothing. Most of the time, people don’t need to.
And the worst is when people who are white try to tell you a situation isn’t racist because they haven’t said a racist word or name. How are you supposed to know? How are you ever to experience it? Imagine if you spent your whole life qualifying to expertise in a certain field, and someone who didn’t even know what it was, was constantly trying to educate you on it. That sounds f**king annoying, right? And that’s just a fraction of the frustration POC feel everyday when they are told how to feel, whats racist and what is not.
It’s easy to be made to feel like people don’t find you attractive because of your ethnicity. You start to just want to be like everyone else because you feel like you’ll have a better chance in life, at being more liked or whatever.
As I grew older and moved to Bristol, I have to admit it my differences did feel slightly more noticeable. I had a great time at uni and made so many friends so this isn’t a sob story to say everyone was mean or anything, I’m just saying I noticed that there was pretty much no other Asian people around.
Particularly in frequent trips to Cornwall, I would feel stares on me, not necessarily judgemental ones, a lot of the time it felt more like people were both curious and surprised to see someone of my skin tone – it doesn’t help that I tan after about 10 mins in the sun! But I think my comfort could’ve been improved by people showing slightly more acceptance or friendliness rather than just staring at me.
Nowadays I’ve started to embrace my culture much more. I’ve started to see the value in being different and having a story behind the colour of your skin. Although I’ll never be religious, I’ve started to find a healthy balance and now I’m mainly concentrated on encouraging a similar attitude on my little brother, who has expressed similar thoughts to what I used to feel growing up.
I don’t want to live in an over sensitive world, I like a joke, even if it is at my expense. As long as I feel like I’m accepted by the people surrounding me and comfortable, I’ll always be part of the laughing and joking.
And I guess that’s the one thing I’d like my post to teach. Just be kind. Be accepting. Be aware. Anyone’s confidence can be a front, and everyone seeks a basic level of approval and reassurance from others even if they have trouble admitting it.
I hope that the BLM movement really is a noticeable shift in the right direction towards everyone feeling equal. And I hope pages like Stozzy’s can be used to educate people on how they are able to implement this change in the world.
Thank you for reading!
