When loneliness hits, I often do not even realise it has crept up on me. A good life has been lived and yet suddenly, I find myself alone. I try to fight it and tell myself it is temporary. I push harder than ever to be recognised and yet, this somehow draws the cowl of loneliness further over my brow. I try to reach out and am unsure as to how. As time progresses, time spent alone is more comforting than time spent with others as often, I feel more alone when surrounded by friends than sat alone drinking in my room.
The loneliness compounds and becomes a defining characteristic within my mind. Whether this is clear to outsiders does not matter, in my head this is now who I am. It is me alone, facing the challenges of life. Me alone, who wonders how to climb out of this endlessly deep chasm. Occasionally, I reach out to others for help; yet this lapse of vulnerability has a vicious bite. I taste the sting of attempting to escape my dark deep abyss and slowly, but surely block off the entrances to escaping the trap of my own mind.
Loneliness is a disease; one that most will experience in their life. It can happen at any time and to anyone. The key to escaping its wretched claws is to understand that the mind is against you. Your mind will do what it can to keep you trapped. It will tell you that you are worthless, that nobody likes you and this lack of social contact will be forever constant. This is my personal experience with loneliness, and next I share what personally helps me when it hits.
First and foremost, I find it vital to regularly empty the mind. I seek to expend my thoughts onto another. Unfortunately, when this is rejected, I sink further into the pit of loneliness. The only person that is fully committed to resolving my problems and more importantly, understands them is myself. Emptying the mind when life becomes overwhelming is essential to maintaining mental stability. I do this by creating a notebook, journal, or diary to expel all my negative thoughts pushing down upon my mind. I write my thoughts whenever necessary into this personal book. No-one else should ever read these entries. I am honest with my thoughts, even if they disturb me. By talking through these thoughts with myself, a clearer picture is made of my current situation and often, how outlandish some of my thoughts can be.
By clearing my mind of clutter, I am more motivated to keep my mind clear as it brings inner peace to a weary soul. This leads into the second way I battle loneliness; exercise. A bitter medicine for many, yet it is necessary for maintaining my sanity and functionality within. Any exercise will work to achieve the hit of the runner’s high. This keeps my mind free of distractions and provides a sense of accomplishment each time I complete a work-out. I find this is particularly useful when achievements in the rest of my life are lacking; this may be a substitute, yet it is a commendable substitute.
When I follow my advice on journals and exercise, I find that I have the motivation to work towards the next point of learning a new skill. Despite what many will tell you, I believe this skill should be completely removed from anything you currently associate with in your standard life. I try to avoid learning a skill which would assist my work, or to fit in with my friends or to achieve a certain social status. When learning a new skill, I learn something for the sole reason of enjoyment. I learn a skill that fills me with joy when I try to learn and refine it. Anything from learning to paint or picking up that instrument I tried to learn at the age of 10. I seek accomplishment in something that has no greater purpose than to satisfy myself.
When I employ the previous tips into my life, I begin to understand that true happiness and peace does not come from external factors. Nay, it comes from within. I cannot control what the outside world throws at me. I never have a say in what external factors affect my life; this is something I must learn to accept and come to peace with. I can, however, affect the internal factors of my life. When I focus within and work towards improving myself, the external factors begin to matter little; that is when I realise loneliness is just a cruel trick my mind has played on me.
I have lived with this loneliness for the best part of a decade. I have lived through the hardest of internal struggles and understand that even when following my advice, I often slip back into the self-destructive thinking that has encouraged me to write this story in the first place. For anyone else that is struggling, particularly during these challenging times, understand that you are not alone. Far more people than you realise will be in a similar situation to you. It is important though, when you finally make it through, to try and help anyone else that may be struggling to cope.