I was born into a world
a world that appeared to me
as something beautiful
I was always running and smiling
greeting people I did not know
having conversations with people
I never spoke to
held them close to my heart
the minute they said hi
wanting to feed them and shelter them
back when I was 5
a year later I fell into depression
my parents were around but
somehow I still felt alone
I thought the people that I spoke to
lived where I met them
I didn’t know the homeless moved around every day
I thought they were my friends
didn’t understand that just that day they needed someone to talk to
I thought I was the problem
I thought that being friendly scared them away
and it broke my heart
slowly I distanced myself from other people
I didn’t know
I closed all my doors for strangers
learned about trust and loyalty by the age of 10
and learned how to push everyone away
suicidal thoughts came creeping in
and by the age of 12 I almost ended everything
I tried taking my life with a knife
it was 12 am on a weekday everyone was asleep and I was in the living room holding a knife pointed at my throat
but I couldn’t push it through
so I continued to live my life
was never good with fitting in
so I started to pretend to be someone I was not
started dressing differently
and that’s when I learned about going behind someone’s back and betrayal
I was 16
I met my best friend
another one just like me
The only difference is he’s open to anyone
our differences allowed us to become friends
I had his back and he had mine
so freshman year wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be
sophomore year came
and I got my first heartbreak by a girl
I’ve always loved women my mom raised me to respect females no matter what
I did and still do
so I never had a hate thing after a breakup I still tried to stay in touch
but it would go the other way
high school after that was easy for a depressed boy like me
showed up but never did work
I never ditched school and had perfect
attendance but never did my homework
finishing highschool already started drinking
smoking weed and taking ecstasy
at 18 I started dating my highschool sweetheart
everything was good for about 4 years after. I became a truck driver in 2014 dump truck driver I loved my job and the freedom it gave me little did I know I was in for a painful life changing multiple slipped discs pinched nerves started happening by the age of 28 I had visited the hospital over 10 times. then depression came back and have been trying to find ways to cure it not to mention my weight I was 50 pounds overweight and was close to getting diabetes. all these things piled up and I started getting lazy and frustrated but I never took it home she saw me becoming weak
and then the tormenting happened
it was because of her that I watch porn that I masturbate
because we started together and then she would get jealous when it wasnt her getting me hard
but I loved her and I stopped watching the videos I gave up a lot for her I stopped talking to friends I shunned my family out and I stopped doing the thing I loved most was writing music that broke me the hardest.
I was blinded so much that I couldn’t see the manipulation she started to perform on me
fast forward 10 years we have our baby boy
Micah Valentine Flores Garcia, I saw him as if God was giving me a chance to make all my wrongs right so we got married I worked my ass off to build a company then I bought a house but it wasn’t long when I would lose everything I have worked for and lose my family
I was accused of cheating, accused of sleeping with men, doing more drugs other than cocaine
so she kicked me out leaving me homeless
and broke
I would constantly fight to get my family back
but she wouldn’t let me
so I gave up and now I get accused of not trying harder
the peak of my downfall started
I haven’t seen my son for almost a year at this time
so I almost took my life again and I almost succeeded
until I was given another chance in life
I became born again
and for a while I was happy
but then fell back into depression
and then when all hope was lost at 32 years old
I met my real best friend, my partner in crime
my queen
my fiance is the best thing that has ever happened to me we’ve only been dating for almost a year but she is my soulmate she is everything I have ever wanted and she has made me the happiest I have ever been
we’re pushing through it all
and we will conquer everything
she is my motivation and I hers
always great vibes with her and that’s all I need
I can’t wait to call her my wife
and one day say the mother of my kids
there’s still a lot to live and a lot to learn but imagine if I did die that last time I wouldn’t have seen this side of me and let me tell you I’ve never felt more rich in my life. I’m back to writing music and this time actually doing something with it I started distributing and uploading on all media platforms such as Spotify and Apple music
I joined a band and am still playing in that band as a drummer. I wouldn’t trade what I have now for anything. and I stopped regretting the things I did and accepted my wrongs for if it wasn’t for those decisions I wouldn’t be here today. I am a soldier of life I’ve battled the darkest demons and came out smiling. I’ve seen things no one should ever see and yet I thank God for everything he has put me through. I’m still fighting but this time I got my queen to stand behind me as I protect her through this world. I still get depressed but I remember her and her smile and that’s what is getting me through. if you are going through something dark a battle that seems impossible to fight always remember there is someone out there doing the same and you will find each other and will grow together and stronger than ever. stand tall and have hope, your life isn’t over yet.
