I’ve grown up in a violent environment. Before the age of 18 I watched my brother die, saw a parent try to commit suicide multiple times, battled with addictions and experienced domestic violence as both a victim and the helpless, hopeless onlooker.
Despite this, and the rest, I’m taking the salary of the average career professional through their peak at the age of just 25, and the future is looking like its ready to eclipse my achievements to date. I’m very aware that without my lifes adversities, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
There are two chapters to my life so far. The first is the angry, confused, and misunderstood story. A boy who was brought into the world by loving, caring parents but a very sick, mentally ill and whilst unmedicated frankly dangerous father. My father’s demons were amplified exponentially when my brother tragically lost his life in a hit and run, to which I was the only witness – and to this day unnecessarily but helplessly dwell on, and feel the blame for. I watched my mum get beaten, cheated on, and suffer. How I always wished I could switch places.
Until the age of 16/17 I saw my father as nothing but a violent, terrifying monster who at times I wished would just leave and never come back. That was before I understood why he is the way he is. This is where chapter 2 starts, with the development of a strong sense of empathy, understanding and forgiveness.
He had a horrible, neglected and abusive childhood that scarred him. Despite this he was able to start and support a family, as well as build (with the assistance of always eager to please ME at his heels with whatever i could do to even slightly please) a property portfolio. The days of development are long gone though along with his sense of drive. He’s now overcome with paranoia, nervousness, and a desperate craving to please people, even those who don’t warrant the benefit, which as you can imagine is a constant spiral of depression and disappointment for him. He is constantly supported by the bravest and most hard working, committed person I have and probably ever will meet who is my entire respect for women in a nutshell – my mother.
Because of the time I spent assisting, and observing, I’m emotionally intelligent enough to understand his demons, and therefore also in part mine. Maybe one day I’ll suffer too. But right now, and for the past few years I have not only contained, but absolutely thrived in levels of stress that would buckle most men and women. And without my steep learning curve of an upbringing, I wouldn’t be able to mediate multi million pound disputes with a calm head. I wouldn’t be able to lead a team who are, on paper, seriously more intelligent than myself, at the same time as receiving the highest degree of respect in response to my leadership style and results.
I wouldn’t be able to help a friend in need at the drop of a hat. I wouldn’t be able to rush for hundreds of miles to help my dad who is in a terrible mental state and take him from the brink of being sectioned to laughing and joking calmly – more importantly enabling him to understand how much his family love him.
There are demons within myself that, Despite my awareness, I know still get the better of me. I can make all the money in the world and achieve all the security needed to support my blood family. But until I conquer my need to please others (you guessed it, a reflection of my father) and therefore often fail to maintain meaningful relationships, my own battle will go on.
That’s perhaps one of the most important messages I can communicate. No matter who you meet, or where, under whatever circumstances, everyone is going through their own battle.
Here’s to overcoming my demons and finding happiness in the future. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and more significantly, the person you are today. Cheers Stozzys.
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