My story is not that different from many people who come into the program. I wanted to lose weight, and I was sick and tired of trying to manage food while I dealt with my emotions. I realized I was a food addict when I reached puberty. I began to eat compulsively at age 13; when I began to feel anxious or fearful, the eating comforted me and calmed me down. By the time I reached 16, I found a whole new set of worries to trigger my compulsion. I began to be a weekend binger after spending the rest of the week trying to diet.
I’ve discovered through my Step work that I was set up to be a food addict at much younger age by a father who thought of me as worthless, fat, ugly, defective and simply unacceptable. My mother wasn’t often around to protect me from my father’s verbal abuse. I secretly wished I had a friend I could confide in and who could comfort me. I often turned to God as a child, but I needed a mother. I needed a healthy caretaker who
could let me know I mattered. I looked to the food instead; usually there was a pot of leftovers, and I would shove spoonfuls or even handfuls into my mouth, hoping my father wouldn’t catch me. When he did, he berated me as a glutton. Through working a rigorously honest programme and nurturing my three-fold recovery, I’ve finally accepted that my last romantic relationship duplicated my relationship with my father. With the tools of this program and its powerful healing connections – my Higher Power and the Fellowship of other compulsive overeaters – I find the strength I
need to live through the painful moments of rejection in a relationship. I now have a way to make it through the obsessive thinking and the desire to turn to food (sweets in particular) when I feel emotionally out of control.
Overeaters Anonymous (OA) has taught me that I am powerless over people, places and things; that I am responsible for my own happiness; that I can change a negative into a positive at any moment I choose to. I can choose to see the beauty in everything, good and bad. Both parts are essential for my emotional growth and spiritual transformation. The good things that happen are gifts and the bad things are lessons, which turn out to be gifts in disguise. Of course, it doesn’t feel that way when I’m in pain and grieving over what I can’t have. But, when these moments pass, and they do, I am transformed. This is where my strength lies. For today, I’m working on ‘acting as if,’ which, for me, means keeping the faith, no matter
what. It means trying to meet my emotional and spiritual needs so I can be of service to others. Even when I experience days when I don’t feel deeply satisfied, I still give thanks to my Higher Power for this moment in my spiritual journey. I can do nothing about the past, but I can do a whole lot while I live in the present. The future will be the results of the choices I make today. Thanks to this program, the food is down and my hopes are high.
OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS ®, INC.
From: Lifeline April 1995
Copyright 2019 by Overeaters Anonymous, Inc.
Reprinted by permission of Overeaters Anonymous, Inc.
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