At the start of this lockdown, I decided to take my own life.
I have suffered from mental health issues for years. On top of this I have physical disabilities that have made me a “benefit scrounger” in the eyes of many. I have always managed though. I help people, I get out and about and do what I can. This lockdown seemed, at the time, to be the end of that. I am not used to relying on others, and in fact can get quite stroppy when I have to.
I hid it well. I took care of others by setting up COVID-19 advice sites, sharing information and assistance projects. Friends rang me for guidance, which I gave them. All the while planning my own demise. One less scrounger, one less waste of space.
One evening I decided enough was enough. I posted on Facebook, as one does, “help me”. The help flowed in. Strangers offering to do my shopping. Friends texting me asking what they could do for me. The Labour forum especially offering any help I needed.
My world view started to change. Instead of suffering I made the most of this time. I produced radio shows, I helped people as and where I could. I started to smile again.
I realised that the world isn’t out there to get me. That the views of a few idiots shouldn’t cloud my mind. That I, and everyone else has a place in this world and everyone cares, if only you let them.
I now look upon this world with fresh eyes and fresh hope. I will finish by quoting the late PC Andy Hocking-
“A stranger is a friend you haven’t met yet”.