Hi! I have time to tell you about the story of my cat, Neccos and her journey to feeling more happy and confident – which has helped me as much as it helped her!
So, it started with me pet-sitting for this woman who lives two streets over from me. I was 19 at the time (22 now) and she liked how together I was for my age, because I acted much older than my age and was very good with her dogs. I knew she also had a cat, but I didn’t see the kitty for the two days I went over to let the dogs out and fed them. Well, around Halloween I ended up getting together with her son who was 26 at the time. Also a dad to a 10 year old, a 5 year old and a 3 year old. Whole funny story there, but I digress.
It came time for me to properly meet my new boyfriend’s kids and when I walked in, I saw a cat sitting on her cat tree. She looked alarmed and I was told she’s very skittish. But, when I was looking at this cat, I knew she and I were going to be in each other’s lives. It was like when you look at a person and just know that your lives are going to intertwine in some way.
Anyway, this guy and I are a few months into our relationship, when I move into his new apartment with him and his kids. I was unemployed at the time, so I spent the days helping out with laundry and dishes, helping the kids with their homework when they wanted help, etc. One day, his mom tells him she doesn’t want the cat anymore. She was getting annoyed with the cat. I don’t know if there was anything in particular, maybe it was because Neccos would always claw at the doors at night. I knew Neccos would sleep in the mother’s room at night, but I also knew that cats like to come and go as they please. But, like I said, I don’t know for sure why his mom wanted to give the cat to us.
This cat, Neccos, was terrified of loud noises and quick movements. She didn’t let people get close to her (I tried), she hissed and cowered before bolting to her hiding spots. I felt so bad for this cat. I grew up watching a lot of animal shows like My Cat From Hell, watched a lot of Jackson Galaxy’s videos on YouTube. So, remembering what I learned from Jackson Galaxy, I could see that Neccos didn’t feel secure or confident, she didn’t want to get close to anyone new.
I had made a little progress at Christmas, when I was visiting and I saw Neccos hiding under the Christmas tree. I got the idea to carefully, quietly, and slowly move closer to her until I was at a distance she was okay with. I stretched my arm out on the ground so she could smell me. Get to know my scent a little. She was okay with that, and I felt like she wanted to interact, but she didn’t let me get any closer. If I tried to, she’d growl a little and I’d back off. That’s just to get a little bit of an idea on how this cat was.
So we go over to get this kitty to bring her over to the apartment. His mother gave us a blanket Neccos liked, toys, food and the food bowl. We just needed to get a litter box and kitty litter, no big deal. When we get back to the apartment and let Neccos out of the carrier, Neccos sprinted under the couch and started hiding. Obviously terrified of the new surroundings. Who can blame her, though? She doesn’t know what’s going on!
Since Neccos only felt safe under the sofa, I decided to tuck her blanket under there, put her food bowl and a water bowl on one side of the sofa and the kitty box on the other side until she felt safe enough to start exploring. It took a few days before she felt comfortable to start getting out from under the couch and whenever I’d see her out in the open, I’d use her toys to play with her. However, she didn’t like them a whole lot. My boyfriend at the time and I went out to get her a few new toys and one she liked was one of those dangling toys you’d use to get a cat to chase or jump to catch it!
She was still very unsure of me, and although my boyfriend was more familiar to her, that didn’t mean she’d let him pet her! I should also mention his situation with his kids. He’d get the kids for a week and the next week the kids would go back to their mom. They switched off every week. So, one week, the apartment was quiet and the other week would be very loud and noisy! Pretty normal with three kids of different ages haha!
This created a sort of situation, as you could guess. Neccos disliking loud and sudden movements, loud and vivacious kids. Not a great combo. Needless to say, Neccos didn’t like his kids. She never hurt the kids, just kept a big distance from them.
ANYWAAAYYSSS, I was 19 and unemployed, struggling with several undiagnosed mental issues. I was home all the time and so was Neccos. That gave us a lot of time to get close. Neccos was scared, unsure of everything around her when she first came to the apartment. I was struggling just to get out of bed and feel happy. I suffered from severe depression, borderline personality disorder, PTSD, and chronic ADHD. So, by spending every day with Neccos, she started to come out from under the couch a lot more.
One day, I went to check under the couch to see where she was and couldn’t find her. I looked under my boyfriend’s bed that we shared and saw her tucked up under my side of the bed. Over the course of a month, Neccos was letting me pet her while she ate. We moved her food bowl and water bowl to this little cubby area and had her kitty box moved to the laundry room. She was starting to hang out in her cat tree again (we set it up in the sun room), and started being seen around the apartment more. I’d play with her a few hours throughout the days. I was pretty much her primary caretaker. When my boyfriend would come home from work on the weeks we didn’t have the kids, I’d have him play with her too. Jackson Galaxy taught me that playing with a cat that’s not feeling confident in themselves will help create a trust between you and the cat. Neccos needed trust. She needed comfort, patience and time. So taking that, I played with her, my ex played with her. Tried to get the kids to play with her, but Neccos never really came around to fully warming up to the kids.
Playing with Neccos showed a lot of improvement in her personality. I remember waking up one day and seeing Neccos sleeping AT THE END OF THE BED BY MY FEET! I was so happy!! Over the course of a few months, I started to wake up with Neccos sleeping closer and closer to me. The entire time she was living with us, I moved at HER pace. If she didn’t like something I was doing, be it trying to get closer and pet her away from her food bowl, she’d growl and I’d back off. I think that helped a lot too! Respecting her space, moving at her pace, understanding her body language and her vocals, I think, helped her begin to trust me a lot more. I say this because I was eventually waking up with her sleeping at my side.
Fast forwarding a bit, I’ve been with this guy for a year basically and my own dog, Lola, had cancer for the second time… This time it wasn’t going away. I had to come back to my parent’s house to spend her last few days with her and it was a huge heartbreak because this was one of my absolute best friends… She was with me through so much struggle and gave so much love. She helped me through panic attacks and fell asleep with me when I was having brutal nights where I really didn’t want to breathe anymore. Lola saved my life over and over again. She was my anchor and when it came time for her to be put to rest, I felt part of me die immediately. This was March of 2020. Then in July of 2020, my dad passed away. I was struggling so much with the grieving process and it was something that was affecting my relationship. My boyfriend and I broke things off and I moved back in with my parents. We both agreed I’d take Neccos and Mina (a kitten I adopted after my dad’s death) since Neccos bonded with me and Mina. That’s where I started to notice a bigger change in Neccos.
My parents had a huge argument about whether the cats could stay or not, obviously the cats ending up staying. They’re my babies and I wouldn’t ever give them up for the world. Anyways, I noticed Neccos and her behavior. She didn’t hide so quickly. She took a second to sniff around until she found my room. She would hide in my room here and there but for the most part, she was feeling a bit relaxed. Her and Mina did take some time to adjust and get used to my own family and our tiny dog, Natty. No matter what, it’s gonna take a cat some time to adjust. Anyone would with new surroundings and whoever comes with that environment. Anyway, Neccos is used to dogs, Mina not so much lol! Mina has never been around a dog, so she was very unsure of little Natty. Natty is a chihuahua and Neccos wasn’t very interested in her. Could care less. Both cats kind of hung around to get a feel for the place and over time, with a lot of love and patience from my family, Neccos was starting to let my mom and dad get closer and start letting them pet her!!!!! It took a year for me for Neccos to let me love on her whenever I wanted. It took a year to gain her trust, a year to help her feel more comfortable and confident. It took my family a year as well. And that’s okay! Being willing to take as much time as a cat needs before they feel confident in their new home is beautiful as it is rewarding. Watching this cat go from constantly hiding, avoiding everyone to strutting around, playing with everyone in the house, and getting love from me, my parents, even my little sister (who’s still kinda scared of Neccos because of her playful slaps). It’s amazing!
This cat helped me a lot through my depression and still does to this day. She helped me just as much as I helped her. When I’m crying, she puts her paw on my cheek and licks my tears away. She cuddles me and shadows me around the house. She sleeps with me and her just being there, I feel like I can keep going. I love all my fur babies, but I’m grateful for Neccos just as I know she’s grateful for me. She shows me this every day.
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